Life is short. You’ve no doubt heard that one before. It’s a go-to platitude we all say to each other when we’re battling that icky intense force we face when trying to jump out of our super comfy zone into the What if I actually went for it? zone.
So let me ask you; what do you think would happen if you finally said “F It”? If you truly meant what you said when you told yourself that “Life is Short” and “What do I have to lose?”
Well I can tell you that for me the answer is; everything.
Something fascinating I figured out about myself in the past two years is that I am an utter control freak. I say fascinating because if you asked me if I was a control freak, I would be massively offended since I always considered myself such a laid back go with the flow person.
There, I SAID it. But, the thing is, I am not a control freak in that I micro manage people or try to control what they do (although, my husband might disagree). I’m more one of those control my environment so I don’t get hurt, disappointed, rejected, sad, mad, frustrated and/or embarrassed variety of control freak.
When you are in constant fear of any and all of those happening to you, you tend to walk on the safe side, most of the time. You don’t take big chances (too scary!). You don’t “put yourself out there” (what if “they” see me!?) And most importantly, you won’t be the two most important things you need to be if you want to finally start LIVING, DOING and BEING the things you really desire to be in these short lives we keep talking about. Those two things are to be VULNERABLE and to LET GO.
To conquer your ego and get over what people (what people?) will think of you is I think THE biggest obstacle holding people back from truly living their dreams and doing what they really want to do. Some may say it’s “fear of failure” or “fear of success” that holds them back, but if you look deeper into those, the root really is “what will people think of me IF I fail, IF I succeed??
My biggest recommendation to you if you are truly ready to live a life less ordinary and finally be true to yourself instead of being a slave to the (often made up in your head) judgements of others is to finally say “F IT”.
These “people” about whom you fantasize in your mind are judging and sneering down upon you as you skyrocket to success and freedom and joy are simply a convenient (although insanely powerful) way to hang out in comfy comfort zone of life – where things are predictable, where things are safe. Our brain reallllly likes things that way.
The only way out, the only way through, is to say “F It” and do it anyway. I don’t know if it’s this Super Moon in Aries crap going on right now, or if it’s that I’m just sick and tired of putting so many of my ideas aside because of my need to control those scary feelings coming into my life.
It’s ok. They will. and I’ll deal. They are the other side of a happy life. You NEED them. As a wise super woman I know likes to say about doing things that push you out of your comfort zone; “You’re not gonna die.” Short of my jumping out of plane or off a cliff, I think she’s probably right. Probably.
To that end, my friends, my “F It” moment has arrived. One of those previously mentioned back-burnered ideas came back to me. It came back quite on punch-me-in the-face purpose, but also kind of gently whispered, reminding me that this was my life and if I ever wanted anything to change, I had to just freaking get over myself and do it, because, honestly, What’s the worst that can happen?
Here’s to your “F It” moment – may it punch you in the face and then quietly open the door for you to walk through to the other side, of everything.
If you care to check out what I’m up to with my “F It” life, you can read all about my new 6-week Mastermind; RECLAIM… clarity. focus. peace. I hope you’ll join me.
I’ve been feeling off lately. I can’t seem to put my finger on it. Is his Guilt? Anxiety? Shame? Why do I feel so Indignant?
Not sure if this feeling comes from a combination of things; things starting to get really great in my business – helping people rise all over the place, nurturing people on their road to health and wealth, building a team of fabulous rock stars who desire to help others on the same path. It’s all kind of fab. Right?
It all comes crashing down in a second when I have an encounter that makes me doubt myself as a “good mom”.
I’m guessing many moms, especially working or entrepreneur moms are in this constant battle with themselves on if they’re doing the “right” thing – by their kids, by their selves.
So, i’m kind of saying fuck you.
Fuck you “right” thing. I’m doing RIGHT by my kids, because I’m the kind of mom who loves my kids more than life, but I need something for myself, something I can build and be uber passionate about and help with my small slice of changing the world one person at a time.
In this paragraph I was going to write all the things I do with and for my kids, but that would be trying to PROVE to some judgey “other person” that I’m OK, which is precisely the opposite aim of me writing this. So, fuck that.
Doing RIGHT by myself is doing RIGHT by my kids. Period. and I am NOT gonna feel bad about it. Not feeling one little give a fuck bad. Yes, those moments sting when I feel I’m being judged by others. But I know this is their own crap to deal with and I know better than to take any of it personally.
I suggest you do the same if you’re like me and want to have a thriving, fulfilling business about which you’re passionate as hell, AND you want to give the WORLD to your family and friends (including your TIME)…
In that vein…. I’ve developed a Credo of sorts. Some Momantras if you will (#momantras). IF you suffer from the stabbing words, looks, or even just perceived judgement from the judgey monsters (cuz honestly, most of it is BS, no one is really judging you, and you’re just feeling guilty. Stop that shit. and even if they really are, it’s none of your freaking business.)
So, take this. Tack this. on your wall, on your face, on your wall, on your heart. but know that you are not alone in this. You are a FUCKING FABULOUS MOTHER and a FABULOUS KICK-ASS WOMAN ROCKING THE WORLD OUT IN WHATEVER WAY YOU ARE. Do this.
God Speed. xx
Grace. Not Perfection. What You Can Learn.
I have a friend struggling - she’s heading back to corporate after trying for two years to work this business with little kids at home, chaos all around her, almost all the time. She realized she only left her great-paying corporate gig because she wanted to be “home” for her father in the last year of his life. Her dad sadly passed recently, and she feels she has closure now on that decision, and that going back feels the best thing for her to do. I wish her all the best and know she’ll do what’s best for her. We all have to.
I'm not good at being a stay at home mom. I never wanted to be one truthfully, and I am absolutely amazed, intrigued, impressed and humbled by the moms that do. I'm one of those 1/2 breeds who runs a business from home, because I need to be, for sanity purposes.
Me + kids + house all day (or really an extended length of time) = NO BUENO for the Aimwhy.
I hate the idea of my old corporate life, yet love the idea of having something to get up for, dress up for and for which to get the HECK out of my house. I, would you believe, actually LIKE meetings and company events and all that stuff. Because I like being in groups, I like contributing, being part of something BIGGER than myself. This is exactly why when I found my vehicle, my ticket to creating the kind of working life that works for me, I was IN. Like, ALL IN.
In a funny little twist, as much as I adore being around for little concerts and art shows and reading to the class and volunteering for anything, I still have issues now with being home, but they are different issues than the ones my friend was dealing with, because my kids are a bit older, but none the less…. UGH
Now, my time with my kids is really from 2:30pm - 8:30pm (or sometimes earlier if the hubs is home earlier). And this time together has not been all unicorns and rainbows, let me tell you. My 8 year old is so sensitive to whether I am on my laptop or looking at my phone, so if I need to send a quick text or get something done between those hours, he is ALL over me with the guilt of “You care more about your job than you do about us”. Insert knife directly into heart. Thanks. for that.
The thing is, he only sees what hubs does as a “job” because that entails being out of the house and going to an office. My job doesn’t count because it’s happening in real-time almost 24-7 in the little pockets of my days at those times when the kids are home. I pretty sure they think I’m sitting around playing on iPad and eating Oreos all day while they’re at school. Totally.
What I’ve done in reality is combine two very difficult things- working a business and being a mom. I aint gonna lie - it isn’t easy people, and yes, I will admit, had I started this when I had kids actually AT HOME with me all day long without daycare/school happening, I would have lost it a long time ago. It’s a rough situation for any mom, but my biggest inspirations now are seeing the moms that DID IT, are DOING it, and are doing it well. Do they have crappy moments and times where they just want to
chuck it all? I’m sure they do.
But they’ve made it work, and I listen to what they say, so I can do the same.
Their biggest tips that help get me through my wall-kicking days when I think how could I think I could possibly do this? See if you can relate and make some changes to your mind-set that can help you survive in the jungle.
Grace, not perfection.
I am a big control freak. Not over others, but of my own actions. Trying to be very careful all the time. This stems from a fear of messing up, getting in trouble, others judging, feeling foolish, wanting things to look perfect. Their newsflash? It’s just not possible, so give it up now while you still have a chance to not go insane trying to win the perfection game. Not. Winnable.
Make Your Kids Your Why
When shit gets real and I’m sitting in a ball in my room crying and taking deep breaths because we all need time outs, I remember why I’m doing this. Why I’m making this work. For them. For us. For our family to live the way we want to live, without stress, without anxiety and worry all the time. Giving them the experiences and the freedom to explore their joys that come with financial freedom. I remember. I pull it together. I clean off the mascara, and go give them big snuggles. Tomorrow will be a better day.
It’s One Bad Moment/Day, You are Not A Failure
This one… ya, many bad moments make me want to throw in the towel, but this tidbit reminds me that if I have a bad day, it really was just a bad few minutes, or yes, ok fine, an entire bad day. But guess what peeps? You are BLESSED to wake up and live another one and, it will be better, usually, I promise. You are not an auto-failure. Every day is a new chance to live the way you desire.
Involve Your Kids in Your Biz/Cause/Movement
When I fist started in my company, I never really talked about it. The nutritional super food products my husband and I were consuming were just for us. Why did i DO that? I didn’t even realize these could be for my kids - and they turned out to be my best solution for kids who weren’t getting the best nutrition they could (in my book) and to support them in their sports and activities.
How wonderful I could now have them experience the product I was so passionate about? The struggle of them wondering where I’d disappear to on a weekend for an event and why I had to take a call while Daddy read them a book was gone. They understood why all of this was so exciting and great for our family, both physically and financially (back to Making them part of your WHY).
Yup. We all do it. Just don’t. or at least try not to as much as possible. Everyone has a story, and you likely don’t know it. You have your own story to tell, build, and create. As my mom used to say “Look on your own plate” lol. Nothing good really comes from this activity except feeling like you’re not good enough. which is absolute CRAP. You’re amaze balls so act like it!
Be Present When You Can
This one is from me, because I learned the hard way - when I put the phone down, closed the book, closed the laptop and took a few minutes - maybe even a whole 1/2 hour to just BE with them, to play a game, to talk, to take an interest in their game, to give snuggles; the beasts are quelled. They see you are able to love them and do the work you need to do FOR them, for yourself. It’s a great example to set and I see it work.
Grace, my friends. Say it with me. God Speed.